The only thing to fear is fear itself

In the fear I live, not in the moment
I walk to find peace
find hope
find clarity
find what I have lost
find air
find sanity
find freedom from what ales me
I would like to kill the demon that eats at me
I breath in and hope this feeling subsides
I breath out to, find it there
I am not myself
I am half of myself
the dark half
the half that festers
that mourns
that hates
that cries
that bites
that snaps
that breaks under the pressures of life
how ungrateful that half is
not realizing the blessings and small joys
enabling the bright half from shining
I want my moments back
I want every second
I want to relive and correct
I want make good on failures
I want to be strong in the faces of fear
I want to laugh again
I want to live freely as I once did
naively enjoying daily hum drum
believing in the good
knowing that tomorrow will come in with the sun
why can't I go back
why can't I remember what its like
so I can get back
So my life maybe can be mine again
So my fear will be of heights instead of life
So I can work
So I have drive
So I can live in this moment proudly not fearing the next.